Oh this Restlessness...

Am I impatient? Am I intolerant? Or am I simply restless?

I have been at home, living life ,without giving my brains the much required exercise for ages (well it seems to be ages to me...though its just been a few months). It was my choice to stay at home and so I have no one to blame or shift the responsibility of my impatience and restlessness and probably that is why, I get even more overwhelmed by the situation I am in.

A fairytale fantasy made me make that choice. I was pregnant with my second child. My first child was driving me crazy. He was in his troublesome twos. I often felt guilty for not being part of his life when he needed me the most. Thus, it seemed to be the ideal decision to quit work and take a break. At that time, I felt quitting work...being the best mom, an ideal wife and homemaker is the best way to live life.

It took some time (about six - seven months) to convince my employers, find my replacement and wind up my work. I was also honing my writing skills and blogged regularly (both on blogspot and Sulekha) and also wrote for merinews.com. Thus I never thought twice about my decision. I thought I had made the right choice.

My baby turns two months this wednesday and ever since I delivered my baby, I have had no time to blog or even read a novel. My days initially were filled with the aches and pains of a C-section, breastfeeding, changing diapers, rocking the baby to sleep and catching up on my sleep whenever I could get the time. Gradually as I started feeling better, I started taking on more and more household responsibilities...more so as I wanted to take control on my house, which was now in the hands on my MIL. Now that the control is back with me and I have finally found a fulltime (24 hour) maid to look after the children and help me in the household chores, I have started feeling restless and bored.

I am dying now to have some pep in my life...to work...to do activities that require some brainwork...to meet people...to not have to eat lunch alone...to do things that make me feel full of life...to get the romance back into my life...to have some fun...to feel appreciated...